Our top predictions for 2010

Warning! This is not your typical top prediction post. Stock prices will rise and fall based on what is written below.

To increase the accuracy of our predictions we opted against using Google search. Instead, we turned to Alta Vista (when it takes a full 5 minutes to calculate your search results, you know that it’s so right). In addition, we consulted the works of L. Ron Hubbard and looked through Bill Gate’s trash. What we’ve discovered will leave you awestruck. No, dumbfounded.

So with that, we give you our top predictions for 2010 (in no particular order of importance or occurrence):

• College enrollment will plummet because students will learn everything they need to know from 500-word “How to” and “Top 10” blog posts.

• Hackers will discover that the Google search algorithm is the same as the recipe for Coke.

• The FTC will fund universal health care by fining people for disclosing that they are a social media expert.

• Chris Brogan will free Tibet by teaching the Dalai Lama how to use social media.

• Twitter will turn to the porn industry to make money (e.g., ‘tworn’).

• Facebook will modify its Terms of Service and Privacy Policy a dozen more times to confuse users into giving up their rights to everything.

• The PR industry will cease to annoy the media because there is no media.

• Unemployment rates will rise because of the things employees continue to share on social networks.

• The CDC will report the first case of H1N1 contracted via Augmented Reality.

• Aliens will forgo making first contact because TechCrunch refuses to honor their news embargo.

• Historians will discover that Pol Pot was the first person to say: “It’s all about the conversation.”

• Friendster buys Google, Microsoft and Yahoo.

Forward-Looking Statements Disclaimer:

This blog post may contain forward-looking statements as defined by the Private Securities Litigation Reform Act of 1995. These statements present our expectations, beliefs, plans and objectives regarding the future of the world. Any discussions contained in this blog post, except to the extent that they contain historical facts, are forward-looking and accordingly involve outlandish lies, unfounded estimates, horoscopical assumptions, bad judgments and certain uncertainties.